Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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