my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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