I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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