Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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