Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
3 2 1 whiskey
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
