"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
