I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
