WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
