I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I forgot how hot balto sounded
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
