Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
