the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
