Say something about gay babies.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
