You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
