There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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