I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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