I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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