So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
