Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
