walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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