He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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