no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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