When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
