May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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