I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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