Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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