Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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