Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He did a backflip because drugs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
