So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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