We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
