There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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