Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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