3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize