Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
