question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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