I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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