I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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