even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And then he peed in my hair
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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