Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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