What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
