She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
