They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw a hot homeless man
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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