I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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