I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
