when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He did a backflip because drugs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
