Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...

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  (858): that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey... http://tfl.nu/6cil
  Replies (12) Good night (4272) Bad night (798)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Why are we friends again?

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  (973): New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out.. (1-973): Why are we friends again? http://tfl.nu/4ygf
  Replies (38) Good night (1024) Bad night (3148)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.

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  (985): i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not. http://tfl.nu/eg76
  Replies (54) Good night (2960) Bad night (615)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.

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  (404): Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that. http://tfl.nu/0caw
  Replies (13) Good night (1100) Bad night (4804)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.

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  (504): Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon. http://tfl.nu/mwyy
  Replies (19) Good night (1235) Bad night (4283)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

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  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (13759) Bad night (1570)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.

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  (435): i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down. http://tfl.nu/j1eb
  Replies (16) Good night (1220) Bad night (3321)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.

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  (216): Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket. http://tfl.nu/jk3k
  Replies (10) Good night (2804) Bad night (683)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??

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  (+64): was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ?? http://tfl.nu/6vfo
  Replies (10) Good night (3437) Bad night (812)
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  (619): View more from California

  I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.

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  (619): I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes. http://tfl.nu/rji6
  Replies (10) Good night (1450) Bad night (812)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.

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  (417): New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel. http://tfl.nu/qpdx
  Replies (9) Good night (2309) Bad night (497)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.

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  (405): Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice. http://tfl.nu/9rvd
  Replies (4) Good night (1256) Bad night (424)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.

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  (610): Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout. http://tfl.nu/wlac
  Replies (10) Good night (857) Bad night (439)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?

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  (678): Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella? http://tfl.nu/jjvm
  Replies (7) Good night (1391) Bad night (309)
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  (212): View more from New York

  last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.

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  (212): last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite. http://tfl.nu/5zyt
  Replies (10) Good night (986) Bad night (342)

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