Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking

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(858): I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking http://tfl.nu/c48d

Replies (9) Good night (754) Bad night (2473)
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(248): View more from Michigan

i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...

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(248): i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times... http://tfl.nu/ibyk

Replies (15) Good night (5680) Bad night (1174)
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(845): View more from New York

all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed

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(845): all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed http://tfl.nu/tu27

Replies (26) Good night (4852) Bad night (1547)
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(661): View more from California

I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.

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(661): I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka. http://tfl.nu/da8y

Replies (12) Good night (4419) Bad night (950)
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(815): View more from Illinois

New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

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(815): New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink. http://tfl.nu/5ry5

Replies (13) Good night (6584) Bad night (1037)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.

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(780): The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone. http://tfl.nu/xun1

Replies (4) Good night (2110) Bad night (848)
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(801): View more from Utah

My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.

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(801): My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village. http://tfl.nu/2k9f

Replies (7) Good night (1708) Bad night (1175)
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(310): View more from California

I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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(310): I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right. http://tfl.nu/p298

Replies (2) Good night (2038) Bad night (1136)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.

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(717): you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats. http://tfl.nu/2ggd

Replies (6) Good night (1868) Bad night (835)
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(916): View more from California

If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present

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(916): If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present http://tfl.nu/3ku6

Replies (2) Good night (1369) Bad night (607)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think

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(615): fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think http://tfl.nu/g5tp

Replies (15) Good night (1749) Bad night (844)
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(816): View more from Missouri

We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.

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(816): We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have. http://tfl.nu/xov4

Replies (9) Good night (1952) Bad night (585)
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(914): View more from New York

I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.

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(914): I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis. http://tfl.nu/jvao

Replies (28) Good night (4161) Bad night (832)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

You have found the Promised Land of friend zones

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(901): "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome. (1-901): You have found the Promised Land of friend zones http://tfl.nu/0f4w

Replies (3) Good night (1343) Bad night (772)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.

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(507): The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it. http://tfl.nu/8csb

Replies (0) Good night (589) Bad night (316)

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