Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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