What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
