Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
