party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
