i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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