everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I still have a little drunk in my system
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
