Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
