three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
