Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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