Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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