My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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