did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
