I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
