We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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