You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
