another moral hangover. fuck.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
