Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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