Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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