it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
