You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
