We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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