It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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